World-Class Chum

26 09 2009

Good tidings and well-wishes!

I realize that this week’s ‘wonder’ has been delayed again, which is due to the fact that I’d like to do something very special with my next entry that will require a bit of extra effort (I’ll keep you in suspense until I can confirm or deny my ability to execute it as planned). In the mean time, I thought that I’d discuss what I believe to be an issue of vital importance to society at large: the fact that nobody can seem to make a decent movie about sharks. Seriously, what is it about these cartilaginous fish that compels people to start shooting some of the most ridiculous footage known to mankind?

I know, I know: everyone says that ‘Jaws’ was a classic, and to an extent, I agree: afterall, the film does have some excellent monologues and does a fantastic job of building suspense (I also quite like Peter Benchley). However, even the most die-hard fans can’t deny that it contains some incredibly stupid scenes (such as the 2,000 pound shark leaping atop a boat in order to devour the captain). Furthermore, nobody can claim that the film’s sequels aren’t painful to the extent that the pentagon should consider weaponizing them. However, as a cinematic masochist and avid Mystery Science Theatre fan, I quite enjoy watching some of their cheeziest scenes, along with those displayed in the never-ending series of rip-offs which have been appearing since the late ’70s.

Case in point is the following clip from ‘Jaws 3’. (Warning! Spoiler!)

I’ve also included a few of my other favorites starting with this gem from “Shark Attack 3: Megalodon” (Warning! Graphic Content!):

Here’s one of the most unabashedly-silly shark attack scenes of all time which hails from the intentionally-bad movie “Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus” (Warning! Crude Language!):

 And, finally, a gripping scene from 2008’s “Shark In Venice” (Warning! Bad Italian Accents!):

May the fossil record continue to enchant us all and, in the case of ‘Carcharodon’ megalodon, inspire a plethora of new B-movies!

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